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Bacon

Bad Lessons Disney Movies teach us.

10.31.08 | 3 Comments

Sure there’s a lot of people who say, Disney Animated features have horrible images for youngsters, like Geenies whispering to kiddies to take off their clothes, or Priests having a little chubby over Ariel, or even something about a Lion farting in the shape of the word sex.

My friends, these aren’t the messages I’m talking about…I mean morals…things that didn’t come from some stoned and bored animator, but from the story itself.  And, yes I know that Disney didn’t create all these stories.  Some were re-created from fairy tales, but roll with me here, and beware before you set your offspring down in front of some of these classics.

1 ) It’s OK, She’s asleep!

A mysterious man slinks in, while a beautiful girl is sleeping.  Leans over and begins to kiss her.  That sounds like something out of a September Frat party on any college campus…The ones where every boy becomes a man (bigger, dumber boy), every girl becomes a woman (drunken whore), and every party turns into paradise (a lawsuit.)

First of all…both of these chicks are passed out for the same reasons as the girls at the I TAPPA KEGGA house.  Snow White got a hold of some bad apple, and if I’m not mistaken, The Beauty on the right is dozing because of a prick…that can’t be right…hey what do you know, that is right.  So there you go, two lovely ladies  tricked into slumber, then sexually assaulted by strange men…bad right?  No, they live happily ever after.  Shame, shame.  What kind of message is that sending our youth?

2 ) Beauty is only skin deep…so date the ugly bastard…he’ll change soon enough!

Now, how in the world could the moral-laden Beauty and The Beast have bad messages in it?  Well, 98% of the movie teaches a great lesson: It’s not the appearance that matters, it’s what’s on the inside.   Funny that when all is said and done, even though Belle has grown to love the Beast for who he is, the ugly SOB still turns into this dapper dude

Not to mention, all the cool inatimate friends turn into stuffy Brittish people.  So the lesson quickly turns to: Love them for who they are, but tell em to get some work done ASAP, maybe see Dr. 90210, and then, they’ll really live happily ever after.

3 )  Know the difference between love and lust…and if it’s lust give it all up, baby!

So, ladies, you see a guy that is drop dead gorgeous.  You’ve never hung out with him, spoke to him, or even met him, but DAMN he’s fine.  What should you do?  Disney says leave your family forever, give up a God-given gift, and get that dude, what could it hurt?

That’s just what this stupid fish did.  So, you’re telling me that this girl is so dumb, she would leave her rich Dad, and become a mute just to have…what do you call em…oh yeah…feet.  Oh, and to bone this Eric cat too.  What a superficial, ingrate of a daughter.  After all that, it’s no wonder her dad said, go ahead and be with that dude, we don’t want your fishy-smellin’ ass around here anyway!

4 ) Thou Shalt Steal.

In at least two Disney feature films, the message is conveyed that everything will be alright if you just take what you want.

Robin Hood mocks the fact that he’s a fugitive of the law, while gaining approval from the clergy, the royal family, and a fat ass bear.  Robin, while he did do some charity work, by giving to the poor, didn’t even bother asking for donations…he just swiped it from the folks that worked hard to get it.  That’s just lazy, Mr. Green Tights.  What would you do if someone stole your cute little hat?  Wouldn’t be so merry then huh?

and what about this criminal

That’s it buddy, just steal…AND LIE to get some action.  You ain’t no prince.  Quit teaching our kids that you can get where you want by rubbing a lamp and talking to a big blue floating guy.  Sounds more like you’ve been hitting some of that Middle Eastern weed.  I mean come on, a man comes out of a lamp?  Yeah right! And dude, that lamp doesn’t even have a bulb.  You’re a criminal and you’re high…Bad Bad Bad!

5 ) Don’t get me started on Alice In Wonderland

Way to go Disney.  Like this movie isn’t one big acid trip.  If that wasn’t enough, let’s just teach our little girls that it’s okay to talk to strangers, and lots of them.  It’s ok to have a tea party with people straight out of the looney bin.  And of course we can trust strangely colored mushrooms, mysterious drinks, and these

Hey, Alice.  Last time I was told “Eat Me.”  It wasn’t an invitation.  Lay off the mushrooms.

And finally, if Disney hasn’t screwed your kids up enough.

6 ) Ducks don’t have to wear pants, Mice don’t have to wear shirts, and some dogs can be more naked than others

 

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