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Bacon

Signs, Signs, Georgia Freakin’ Signs

05.29.08 | 2 Comments

Yes my fellow bandits, and bandit watchers. I have returned from the Magical week at Disney World. Of course, in returning home, I had to drive across the wonder that is the state of Georgia. While there I saw some of the most ridiculous and funny signs, that I thought worthy of sharing here at the old dot com.

First, just as I crossed the Florida/Georgia state line, I saw this Gem…

That’s right folks, we promise you won’t find prices any lower than these on Bibles.  I know you’ve been searching the country, but I swear you can get a good King James with a lifetime warranty, red words, and power everything for the price you’d pay for stripped down rusted out Book of Mormon.

A little further up the road in Warner-Robbins, Georgia I see one the reads “STRIPPERS…NEED WE SAY MORE”  Well since Warner-Robbins is the home of Ron “Faarooq” Simmons, I think there is at least one more thing to say….DAMN!

It may be no surprise to you that in GA there are more “Minnimum Speed” signs than there are Speed Limit signs, but don’t let that fool you, they care how fast you’re going…oh yes they do


That’s right bubba, don’t dare speeding here…they use detection devices to check your speed.  None of this fancy guessing game crap.  I mean seriously, what other “device” would one use to “detect” speed?

Alright jim Bob we know a cheetah runs 75 MPH.  So let that sucker go next to that Taurus, and if it passes it, we don’t give em a ticket.

Another interesting sign said “Spa and Massage.”  Well sure, I could use some relaxation.  Next line “Truckers Welcome.”  Well that’s nice, but why wouldn’t they be, they ARE people too, and they need relaxation.  Final line “Hispanic, Asian, American.”   Hmmm, why on Earth would anyone care if….oh I just caught that one.

How in God’s name do these crappy, side of the road shit-peddlers get so many damn billboards to make they glorified flea market look so impressive.  Every five feet another bollboard saying…”Plantation Pecan Stop, Real GA Pecans, Souveniers….”  and of course in the grand tradition of Fudge Knifes, they claim to have such wares as “Pecan Meats”, “Honey Jelly”, “Fireworks T-shirts” then you get there to see the crap they really have is nowhere near as cool as a Fudge Knife.  But that post is coming soon.

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