A little something me and my friends did last year. Merry Xmas.

But again, full credit to the wonderful minds over at WWTDD for imagery and being pure awesome.

For example.

1)Is Lindsay Lohan gay?

At once I’d say BI-Sexual, but here she’s making out with her DJ love toy boy thing girl.

So yea, she’s pretty gay. To solve things like this just don’t do this shit in public unless you’re gonna be open about it instead of denying it. Her family is just as bad about being total fibbers and bad role models.

2) Is Britney Spears a bad Parent?

Now I’m gonna go out on a limb here and say she’s not a bad parent, she’s just stupid.

I’m sure she loves her kids because any mother has a love for their kids unless they murder them or ship them off to Korea to the black market for money.

But honestly, I’ll go deeper here, their whole entire family is stupid. Show’s that fame can totally destroy a decent family kinda like our good friend Michael Jackson.

Lookin Real good real hot.

3) Does Edward from Twilight look like Egon from Ghost Busters?

Egon

and

Edward

My wife says they don’t look alike. I say give the kid a proton pack because that hair is like on the money with Egon from Ghostbusters.

Also I was curious if the bad vampire guy was inspired from a famous WWE/TNA Wrestler.

yea, I see it, stealers of gimmicks!

4) Is Kanye West a whiney bitch?

yes. Problem Solved. I don’t even have to go into detail

5) Is Amy Whinehouse a Real Person?

You don’t even have to have any evidential proof that this chick is a horse with no talent.

She is not Human. The Speak and Say has a picture of her on it. I learned this as a child, so why is it a shocker now?

6) Is Spencer a giant Douchebag

Another mystery solved, YES, why YES HE IS A TOTAL DOUCHEBAG who happened to marry this hot chick who is dumb. It’s like you just look at any expression this guy has on his face and you just want to go punch him in the jaw or ear. Gotta love celebs…er reality tv fake celebs who think they’re celebs but rather just 15 minute of fame people.

7) Is Oprah Black?

Yes, she’s black and a psychic and she also is one hell of a monopoly player. I played against her on Xbox Live last night on Gears of War 2. She’s like a frag queen. Don’t mess with the big O.

Celebs give babies dumb names.

Bronx Mowgli Wentz weighed 7 lbs., 11 oz., and was 20 1/2 inches long.

So I guess the kid is from da HOOD, the Mean Streetz, he’s raised by wolves in the jungle, and is in an incredible emo band (nothing against Fall Out Boy because yes they do have talent).

Celebs typically 97% of the time name their kids something stupid to be different because they think they’re not normal people. Here’s something for ya, what if your Celeb baby/kid/teen doesnt make it in Hollywood. Then they just have a stupid name. Thanks alot Mom and Dad. At least if you’re going to name the kid something strange name it a cool name like, Johnny McAwesomepants (insert Last name) or Luthor the King Destroyer of Orphans (last name), or possibly Thundaar, hell even Dirt McGirt.

8 part 2) Celebs think they are musicians.

Sorry, but Celebs trying to be musicians suck. Oh Scarlett….

Only one Celeb turned musician has been awesome and that is Jared Leto of 30 Seconds to Mars

yea, supposedly an emo band, but the fucker sometimes rides out on stage on a fucking WHITE HORSE (not amy whinehouse). Amazing live show they do. Plus the dude performs, unlike most celebs who have shit recorded and just dance around as it plays.

9) Madonna is a bitch

LOOK AT ME IN MY GRASS SHIRT THING. I stole it from SWAMP THING’s EBAY CLOSET.

You’re an evil woman, everyone knows it, you were cool in the 80’s then you went all weird, got worse, got old, and now you’re a shell of a creature. Spoiler: She’s only gonna get worse with her Ego.

10) Is Megan Fox mega hot?

yes. Figured we’d end on a good note. Hopefully I have faith that she’ll do a good thing and keep her life clean but naked most of the time.

1) Harmonies: This is a huge factor that you have good harmonies, and lots of them,  otherwise the song is stale.

2) Very good drummer: The drummer is the backbone of the band, if you don’t throw in some really technical stuff, you’re wasting my time.

3) Break Down Sections: Alot of people complain, well there’s screaming or that’s heavy. Listen, this gives raw emotion and a punch to the face.

4) Every other part of the band is MUCHO Talented: This goes along with the drummer, but the guitarist has to be technical and not play a 3 chord structure over and over, the Bassist has to deliver those bass hits that give a groove, and the Singer/Screamer has to have a unique sound and write lyrically things that you’re like wow, this guy is extremely badass.

So on to my list.

Emery

Not only did I name my dog after these guys, but they have some of the prettiest harmonies you’ll ever hear.

Their level of is above most of the crap you hear out there. These guys shit talent every morning. Not only do they put on an amazing electric show, but they also do half their set acoustic.

Chiodos

This band is another act that will blow your face off. Craig Owens is a really talented vocalist, their guitar parts are magically badass with a technical side of sweeping, taps, and harmonics, plus they’ve got an awesome keyboardist.

Every Time I Die

the Brothers Buckley are just off the chain. The best part about ETID is they are so fun to watch and are really cool/fun guys. They’re the kind of guys you want to hang out with because they can party and they don’t mind looking like a bunch of idiots in their music videos. They’ve got a guitarist named AWESOME ANDY.

LOOK AT THAT BEARD, that is AWESOME.

They are Hardcore with southern flare, but the lyrical content they write is extremely well put together.

Senses Fail

Not one bad album. Every one of their albums has good songs, very power driven, very catchy.

This video really doesnt do them the justice, but you should check out any of their songs.

FINCH

My absolute favorite band of all time. Its kind of a sick obsession I have for these guys. Nate Barcalow has this vocal tone that will give you goosebumps and make the hairs stand up on your neck. Of all the years I’ve played music and listened to music, the first time I put in the album “Say Hello  to Sunshine”, I literally was floored when the first track started. Sure they don’t do blazing solos, but Randy “R2K” has just the perfect backup harmony for Nate, whose lyrics are dark and poetic. Not to mention the funky stuff they do with their songs, they throw in flare and just riffs that you’re like where in the hell did that come from.

Escape the Fate

Currently these guys have this new singer from Bless the Fall, considering their last singer was involved in a shooting or something. Both albums are really good. They are one of those up and coming groups that have a lot of potential. Either way, when I first saw them I thought Slash from Guns N Roses/Velvet Revolver was playing drums lol. Anywho, I have to say that they are very catchy and worth a checking out.

Billy Talent

I had never heard of these guys until Warped Tour 03 when I stumbled across them randomly taking a break from rocking out to Letter Kills. Now, some people can’t stand his voice, but it’s so damn catchy, it’s different, and this Canadian awesome group has sort of a west coast pop/hardcore/hell I don’t know how to describe it. I have loved every song of this band as well, I think it’s because the guy actually talks in real life how he sings, which is so strange, but you can’t help to like these guys.

Family Force 5

Another band I totally stumbled upon Warped Tour 2008 after getting slaughtered at the next band’s show that I will highlight. These guys bring funk/electronic/breakdowns/rap/and a party. They had the best show at the Warped Tour 08′ hands down. People can argue all they want, but these guys totally killed it. They had dancers/keytars/ fricken giant boombox/ and hulk hands. Another band that might take some getting use to, but totally badass.

Story of the Year

I will say this once and only one time. If you want to see one of the most amazing shows of a lifetime of pure amazing holy effin shit, go see Story of the Year. There are guitars flying across the stage, backflips, spin kicks, and one of the most deadly pits you can ever step foot in, especially if you see them in their hometown of St. Louis. They’ve got amazing harmonies, catchy lyrics, blazing guitars, a bass player who is batshit crazy, and such a insane fan base. I tell you, Buy the album Page Avenue. Every single song has a hook to it, that keeps you listening to its super amazingness. Not one song is bad, total domination.

Scary Kids Scaring Kids

Harmonies out the ass, these guys know how to make anything sound pretty and haunting. They put on a steller live set, and are all extremely talented.

Thrice

Up there with one of my favorite bands of all time. These guys will go above and beyond. Their frontman Dustin Kensrue has this vocal tone that is just pretty and can go whatever direction he wants to take it. I can’t say much more than I love these guys.

Well that’s my list for today, I have a tone more, but these guys are some of my front runners who really don’t get the credit they deserve.

However, when I think of the MACHO KING I think of oldschool high flying elbow dropping MEGA POWER.

Until I saw this picture from the premiere.

Time has done its toll.

I could have sworn it was

or maybe

never the less, even though our hero has gotten older, this at least gives me a reason to possibly go see this movie. God save the queen!

you’re still my hero Mr. Savage.

So since this summer all I have heard about from my wife is TWILIGHT, I read these books, I’m gonna tell you about them, they’re making a movie about it, and it has Vampires!

My ears perked up for a second, then I went back to whatever I was doing, sleeping, gaming, interneting, playing music.

So I the good man that I am, will save you all the trouble of this movie and give you the shimmy.

Now take this as, I havent read the books, it’s what I remember from what my wife told me this summer which is long gone by now so I’m sure there will be gaps and missing parts, but bare with me because I’m a pro at this and I’ve seen the tRAILER for the MOVIE OKAY!! GET IT OKAYY!! GAH.

Note: I love my wife but she knows I have a short attention span and I’m forgiven for my lack of knowledge in this book/movie.

Anywho

pure gay

TWILIGHT

So here’s what happens. This Girl who is white and normal, meets this Pale goth looking guy, who happens to be a vampire.

They fall in love. Other Vampire guys step into scene. They want to make her a vampire or kill her.

Pale Vampire guy (who is a jock in the film go figure) fights evil vampire people.

Did I mention their is a werewolf guy? oh, well he’s somewhere in the mix and he likes the normal white chick too.

Missing gaps: Yea something about a girl in an looney bin, the vampires family, a race car driver, david spade, the band coldplay, and Honey I shrunk the kids are included between these pages too, but I kinda went off into my own little world and missed half the discussion.

On to the next few books. So The vampire and white chick fall more in love, she gets knocked up, they have a mixed vampire white baby. The werewolf is sad. The end.

Now From what I understand this is just another movie about Forbidden Love.

How many other movies have we seen about Forbidden Love?

Well one sticks out in my mind.

JUNGLE FEVER BITCHES

Looks like someone copied the exact movie except instead of black people they put VAMPIRES IN IT.

HOW RACIST.

JUNGLE FEVER

So here’s what happens. This Girl who is white, meets this African American Gentleman, who happens to be awesome

They fall in love. Other white/black guys step into scene. They do not approve.

Awkward Racial Moments and Tension happen.

Missing gaps: I saw this back in like the early 90’s when I was young on like TNT or something so I’m going by memory again. I think there was Jazzy Jeff from the fresh prince in it and I think Gary Bussey is in it too all crazy eyed and making noises so you know the movie was totally off the wall.

Never the less, their love is too powerful for anyone’s thoughts on it, and they get married, have a baby and a dog named Scooter. The End.

On to present times.

So, the question is, with all the fads that are in and out now or days, will hot chicks now start liking the goth guy and those nu metal kids that you make fun of like they just got back from a disturbed concert?

bad parenting

Can you seriously see this guy with

NO WAI in HELLZ

I’ve already heard of fights at Hot Topic and stuff about this movie.

Honestly, I think that it’s going to be a lost hope. It’s bad enough that when we play a show guys swing their arms around kicking and jumping in girl pants.

Now, we’re gonna have to deal with these goth vampire kids trying to hook up with all the hot women. I feel bad for our future kids of america. Cause we saw what Jungle Fever did, all the african american guys were stealing all the white women, something about being “big” downstairs. Luckily, normal guys wont have to compete with the goth kids because we all know that they have enough problems and being batshit crazy that women will hopefully be smart enough to realize that these people hang upside down in closets and cut people to taste blood.

This list is essential for me to have a good October.

10) Pumpkin Carving (this year a Team Fortress 2 Spy)

9) Eating buttloads of candy ( and when I say buttloads I mean dumping boxes of candy in my mouth)

Thinking of an awesome costume no one will have (seriously who has an old vinyl Halloween costume from 1974, I do)

7) Making the costume no one will have (Mr. Peanut, Super Box Robot 2018, etc)

6) Going to a Haunted House (that’s put on by people)

5) Saying that I want to live in a real haunted house ( after watching Ghost Hunters on Sci-fi year round)

4) Finding Horror Movies on our favorite TV Channels only to be edited and ruined. (Halloween series, Friday the 13ths, Dawn of the Dead, etc)

3) Playing classic survival Horror games (Resident Evils, Clock Tower, Dead Rising, Fatal Frame, etc)

2) Thinking of Pranks to pull on Halloween and doing them ( will portake on friday only to have a picture post from Mav and myself)

1) Looking at my wife in sexy (not slutty) halloween outfits. But she makes whatever she wears sexy. (best part EVER)

- NO I WILL NOT PUT A PICTURE OF MY WIFE LOOKING SEXY HERE internet pervs.

But what we’re going to focus on today is the issue with Haunted Houses today.

If anyone has ever been in a real haunted house, or has had experience with the paranormal then you know just like I do, how messed up it is when you’re being jerked around by spirits.

However, as a commercial franchise there are only a FEW Haunted Houses in America that are badass, we’ll save that for another time though.

I went to a Haunted House put on in Paducah,KY  this past weekend. I have to say they did a good job this year with what they did.

But, the problem is, I already expected everything that was going to happen.

First Expectation: You’re going to stand in a line to get tickets. Then you’re going to stand in another line to get on a bus thing to transport you. We rode the Saladino Oaks and Schaff Law Firmbus because GARY SCHAFF looks just like LUKE WILSON

Gary was not here to comment on his likeness. God bless Mitchapolooza.

only to wait in another line to get into the Haunted House.

2 hours later.We go through this haunted house.

Second Expectation: If there is a corner, someone is going to jump at you. Which happened only for me to sneak up on the people scaring by jumping towards every corner in a crouching tiger pose.

Third Expectation: Girls dressed as Slutty Vampires/Dead Schoolgirls/Dead Deads all saying stupid lines they rehearsed for weeks thinking one day they may get a bit part in a horror flick.

Example:

Slutty Schoolgirl Cheerleader Dead thing: We’ve Been “dying” to have you in class.

Me: Sorry I’m 15 minutes late, I missed the bus, and had to walk here and lost a shoe to a dog chasing me.

Slutty Schoolgirl Cheerleader Dead Thing: We’ve been waiting for you so we can Dismiss your life.

Me: So did you hear that Tiffany and Mark broke up? I heard she was a whore.

Slutty Schoolgirl Cheerleader Dead Thing: ……….

Me: So did you study for Mr. Coopers test in Physics today?

Forth Expectation: Chainsaw crazy guys running around trying to scare you. If you’re like me and you were born in the Early 80’s say 1982, when you hear a Chainsaw you think of 2 things.

1.) A lumberjack

2.) THE LUMBERJACK SONG by JACKYL

So more or less, the sounds of Chainsaws tend to be soothing more than scary.

Fifth Expectation: You’re going to talk about what scared you, what could have been better, and argue with someone that you didn’t get scared by the camouflaged dotted midget person in the polka dot room.

Arguements aside now, I’ve come up with some things that will make a haunted house Terrifying and completely Awesome.

1) UNICORNS.

BLAMMO!!!! BITCH

Think about it. Who in their mind would expect a Unicorn running at you from a long hallway shooting rainbows and blasting the sound track of You Got the Touch by Stan Bush from a room near by.

2) Stan Bush Room where he’s rocking out You Got the Touch with his band.

You’d either Start rocking out to its amazing awesomeness or run with fear because you’re too young to understand the power of Transformers the Original Movie.

3) Pedophile Room

A room filled with guys/girls with beards and trench coats and like creepy looks in their eyes, not really touching anything or like causing a sexual crime, just standing licking lips and like googly eye’n ya, which is enough to scare the ba-jesus out of anyone. The Fun Part, Possibly a van with a Clown handing free candy if it would fit.

4) The Ball Pit Room

A room of balls. Typically they have the Completely blacked out room where you navigate the walls to try to find an exit, only to get turned backwards running into other people. This room would just be a huge room of ball pit balls, where you can either wade around and have a few cocktails, or just wade through them to the exit. The horror of this is that who knows what sexually transmitted diseases are crawling on these balls. The fun part, its a freakin ball pit.

5) Beer Vendors:

There’s nothing scary about this, just plain awesome of an idea.

6) Trap Doors:

Put these all in the haunted house, and like if you fall into a trap door, you go all the way back to the beginning, but each time you fall into a trap door you have to give the prize master in a booth with the beer vendor something of equal value like a autographed picture of Dee Snyder from Twisted Sister or a Sega Genesis catridge.

7) Hammer Time Room.

In this room you’re surrounded by People in Parachete Pants dancing to 2 Legit 2 Quit, join in the fun or never leave the room ever.

Room of 1000 Kittens

In this room lies 1000 kittens. Only 1 is carrying a key to the exit door and its taped under its belly. Find the Kitten and Escape. But you’ll spend most of your time going AWWWWWWW Scooooosh and other adorable kitten things.