10 things I wished ‘pull to win’ tabs said when you didn’t win

10.29.08 | 1 Comment

Every one likes to play.  Rather it’s at taco johns in hopes for some delicious potato oles, or at McDonalds for 100,000,000,000,000.00 dollars.  It doesn’t matter, you could be on the road, stop at a Jack in the box…”>>>gasp<<< pull to win a Barbara walters Muppet!!!  Fuck Yes,””1 in 6 win a spicy cheese sangwich, sweet,” you pull the tab and…”>>>sigh<<< free small soda” and for a second you contemplate finding something to do where ever this said boxed jack is until you are once again thirsty, just for the “FUCK YEAH!” feeling of winning.

But What about those times when you fill with glee just to pull and get “SORRY, PLEASE PLAY AGAIN.” Two points here…First, no they’re not sorry, and Second you consider going to buy another drink to play again rather than just refilling the one you already have and considering it your free large drink.

Here are ten things the tabs could say that would make losing suck less.
10.  Your plans are foiled once again.

9.  Four trees were cut down to make this one pull tab, so you lost out on some free fries, your great grand kids lost out on some oxegen.

8.  You have a better chance of getting hit an SUV driven by a soccer mom on her cell phone than winning a free meal.  you should’ve just eaten a grilled cheese at home.

7.  When you were a child and lost a tooth you’d put it under your pillow for your parents to play tooth fairy and leave you a quarter.  you’ve lost but if it makes you feel any better take this tab and your cheese burger to the counter and the kid behind the counter will replace the pickles with a quarter.

6.  Wallow in your sadness.  continue to fail at games you have no control over

5.  You win a Free Sandwich with extra toppings you don’t really want or like and we’re going to charge you more for it too.

4.  the person accross the table from you masturbates with the same kind of vegetable oil we use on our freedom fries.

3.  This restaurant failed its last two health inspections

2.  No one likes a bragart and once again you have nothing to brag about.

1.  Schvetbandits.com

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