If I planned on voting this election I’d write in DiLzNiC Danny DiLzNiC. He’d be neither republican nor democrat…he’d be running under the party party. The Party Party is founded on the methods of brotherhood, intoxication and headstands. DiLz would lose by a landslide…only because I’d be the only one really to vote for him. But with an internet campaign sponsored by schvetbandits.com I’d play campaign advisor to 3D as his platform would be built on these issues:
10) World Peace
-we’d immediately end civil conflict with war-ing nations and make it up to them with a bottle of heaven hills vodka. If they are still d-bags the Bandits will be mobilized you kick the shit out of them with Mag-lites and do headstands
9) Civil rights
-you can marry whom ever or what ever the fuck you want…but only if you can make it through the 6 hour bandit mandated ceremony while drunken headstanding
8.) Womens Rights
-to be hot and do headstands
7) Minimum wage
-to be lowered to 1.00 an hour (equivalent to a double cheese burger an hour) and a bottle of heaven hills vodka a day. Raises will be based on (head standing) performance reviews
6) Health care
-the government will provide health care to those injured when they are sober, or headstanding. If you were drunk when you got hurt, fuck it, get drunk again
-What is the issue? I think Heaven hill makes Tequila, and probably what ever the hell Canadians drink. Headstands are the universal language.
4) legalizing weed
-why would you want to do that? people are more entertaining drunk, and far more likely to hurt themselves. Headstand.
3) Foreign trade
-what ever that is. get drunk, take it from Canada. celebrate with our friends from the south with a united head stand
2) On shore drilling
-I thought we covered that in womens rights-ZANG! Oh and here I’d like to make a sexual reference to doing it while head standing.
1) Touch down dances
-Fuck yeah. more sports should include dancing, booze and headstands.
and seeing as how I’m posting this I’m naming myself the VP…my platforms are the same…just substitute spin kicking for headstands
This post is sponsored in part by Heaven Hills one liter jug vodka. Why pay for less booze, when they all taste like ass…GET THE MOST ASS FOR YOUR BUCK