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CHoPS

Super Awesome horrible carnival playride fun

10.16.08 | 1 Comment

Every one loves the carnival.  To this day when i drive by the local fair (on my scooter (named Scoot)) i yearn to fill my body with so much junk food that when i look at even so much as a merry go round I want to vomit in front of children…don’t get me wrong, I usually always want to vomit in front of children.

In addition, I also enjoy Japanese culture.  Poor translation and the fact that as the japanese transgress through life their fun having times transgress with them.

Combine the two and you have what an alchemist refers to as an amalgamation.  comic dorks (me, mav, scoot) get that one. this is a fair for the bandits, and the few like us out there.

so lets look at the FUN RIDES CHOPS SPECTACULAR FAIR CARNIVAL

As soon as you arrive you pay admission: 240.00 dollars, which includes admission to the an all day long wrestling event (card to follow), admission to the 500 scooter demolition derby (to watch, not participate), all you can drink Sake, band aids and a neck brace.

then get your tickets for the RIDES GAMES FUN: 1.00 dollar a ticket…seriously the economy is the BOWL TOILET AWESOME SHITTER

on to the games first:

DART THROWER-cost 500 tickets
A guy throws 3 darts at you.  If one sticks you get a pack of SMOKING NICOTINE STICKS

SLUD MIDE-ER-cost 300 tickets
Slide in a mud pit naked (this is the same pit being used for the Scooter Demolition Derby).  There is really no prize, but you are naked…and at this point drunk on Sake

ICE BOX FIGHTER BASS FISH-400 tickets
You go into an walk-in freezer get a prize winning bass ducted taped to your hands and fight the like-armed Lance Cade.  He’s taking bookings now.

And on to the rides…

DRINK SPILLER-1 tickets
Enjoy a free cup of coffee on a centrifuge wheel that gets as fast as 700 MPH AND STOPS, What you’ve ingested of the coffee is vomited, and any thing left in the cup spills out in what feels like scalding hot razor sharp pin-pricks.  win-win

WHEEL CHAIR ESCAPADE-775 tickets
ride a wheel chair down a hill of ice…drunk

BLIND FOLDED JUMPING TRAMPO-LEANER-200 tickets
you can probably figure this one out. Drizunk

FIGHTING HOBO GIANT WHEEL
Its the traditional Ferris Wheel, but rather than you honey next to you its a fighting hobo.  If your smart you wont challenge him, but tell him the basket in front of the two of you stole is crank rocks a shiv and that you’re chasing their car down and going as fast as you possibly can.

Now The card for the all day wrestling spectacular!!!!
-from the promotion True Allience Massacre Professional Organization National Wrestling…or TAMPON WRESTLING…we use a special ring, the post are three times as tall and there are 8 ropes rather that 3

…By the way bacon, I know you dont like doing it but here is the card…post how you’d book it…I got your back if there is am issue with the boys…

In the opening bout
A Dream Match 30 man over the top battle royal with Kevin Nash, Kevin Sullivan, Brian Clark, Brian Christopher, and Major gunns

In the second
KOKO B WARE EATS A SANDWICH

–Three hour intermission–
Third match
War Games Style match with villanoes VI and XXII team up with the conquistadors to take on the team of Alex Wright, Lenny Lane, the original Disco Inferno and Samoa Joe

Forth match
A fifteen-man-pinfall-or-submission-elimination-dance that see Ricky Steamboat takes on Sting takes on AJ Styles takes on Jerry Lynn Takes on Jerry Flynn Takes on ten meerkats

Intermission.

Intermission dark match
Donny Fargo takes on nightstalker.

Semi main event
A WW3 style bout in which the winner has to answer “WHERE THE HELL HAVE YOU BEEN?”  Combatants include:Kid romeo, Sick Boy, Horace Hogan, Rick Fuller, Glacier, Maven, the guy from high voltage that teamed with rick steiner, bull buchanan, blitzkreig, bobby blaze, mortis, Kanyon (I know Hip), the flying dragon, Alex Wright (we were short on guys and needed him to work twice), and Lash Leroux

Main Event
A best of seven series that sees a hotdog eating and cream filling removed from a twinkie, three way dance, Ladder match between Maria, Kelly kelly, and mickey J

I Wrote this first.now i dont feel like getting pics for it.imagination

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