For the past 3 days I’ve been in Bowling Green KY doing training with my Boss. After a draining day of engineering knowledge, I’d head back to my hotel which was shittastical. First, the bed was like laying on the hood of a 87 Buick, there was no soap/toilet paper in the bathroom, I had to take apart the TV remote and re-sodder a connector so the up arrow would work, and the people above me sounded like they were having an orgy. So I had to think of something to do at night. Now, for those of you who know me, I don’t go to bars (mainly cause I dont fit in/drink mass amounts of booze in a public place). I watch my certain shows on TV, which consist of Wrestling on Mondays, and Ghost Hunters on Wednesday. The other days are a grab bag if I decide to even pay attention to the cable broadcast system. I played some gutiar, but I was politely asked not to play because I was disturbing the other guests with hardcore breakdowns.
Well, I figured that since I couldn’t play SPORE because I was banned til today that I would have to jump on the ol’ Second Life and find something interesting to do.
Meet Ernest Alabastor the 3rd.
After 43 years of working for the man at the Coat Hanger Factory, Ernest has retired. His wife Thelma died after a deadly cocktail of jelly beans, soy milk, and a bottle of Bayer. A traveling Tourist in the world of SL. His RV broke down and now he’s taking in the sites.
First stop a Welcome area! Sometimes you have to take a bathroom break on the road. Welcome areas are always good for a good pit stop.
WOOOOOOOAH there. There’s some naked chick running around with a robot. Good thing I have my trusty camera to capture all these Precious Memories!
WOW! This guy is a Snappy Dresser! I wonder if he does his own hair? I wonder if this guy dresses like this in real life. I’d love to see this guy walking around Murray in a Full Pink outfit looking like Richard Simmons at a garage sale.
After an odd array of strangers looking confused as I was taking pictures of them, I decided to jump back in the RV and head to a new destination on my vacation.
Everyone here seems to be joyous of the really shitty Cattle they ride. Not to mention they’re dressed like Wonder Woman and Super Girl. This place is bizarre, this is gonna be too easy.
Winner of the worst Chuck Norris look alike contest ever.
I must have stumbled across Universal Studios! It’s superman. Thats right Superman.
For some reason these people Role Play as if they are Super Heros and Villians here. I shook my head in disappointment for the lack of meaning in life, but decided to participate to get a good photo opportunity.
Superman: Hello there Citizen
Me: Hey Queer!
Superman: What brings you to Gotham City
Me: I’m a reporter for the Daily Planet doing a cover story on the best Super Hero in Gotham.
Me: Where’s batman?
Superman: Haven’t seen him today.
Me: Do you know Peter Parker?
Superman: Not personally.
Green Arrow: Spiderman doesn’t come around here too often.
Me: Superman, if you have you ever banged Lois Lane? I heard that you have to wear a kryptonite condom or your seed would burst through her like a shotgun, thus killing her, and kryptonite would kill you.
Superman: I’ve banged plenty of girls, lol
Green Arrow: lol
Me: You guys are gay. Can I print that in the Daily Planet?
Me: Whatever happened to your son Jimmy?
They shrugged a bit so I decided to move on to my next destination. Which was a party for Vampires.
Me: Holy Cow, Conan the Barbarian!
Conan: I’m not Conan
Me: Where is your giant fricken Sword!?
Conan: Sir, I’m not Conan.
Me: Sure you are, do you use conditioner, your hair is rather magical.
Conan: Leave me alone.
Me: This is the worst party ever. I expected Turtles tapdancing on corpses and Unicorns.
Well then I figured, Gotham wasn’t too bad of a place, maybe I should go back and talk to more of the regulars. So I typed in Gotham and there was another Gotham, however it was an island. So I called up some of my friends and said hey, lets go check out this place. It was similar to Gotham City, however it kept showing XXX on things.
Ooooo! This must be a redlight district of Gotham City! We made our way a place called the Cave, which happened to be a digital strip bar.
Friend Dressed as Batman: I’m Batman
Stripper: Sir, you’re not suppose to be dressed as a superhero here. This is a serious place.
Friend Dressed as Batman: I am Batman, I defend Gotham.
Me: I’d like to take you home and snack on you tonight.
Stripper: You can’t take flash photography here sir. And no Batmans Aloud or I’ll report you.
Me: What about video cameras?
Batman: Is it because I’m fat?
Girl dressed as a Taxi Driver with Video Camera: This is CNN.
Stripper: I’m calling the owner
Batman: Is it the Riddler?
Me: I bet it’s a big Italian Guy or some Russian Mob Boss.
The owner guy showed up, he wasn’t italian, russian, a giant horse man, or Freddie Mercury, in tight white jeans and a wifebeater bearing a faded image of the Union Jack, firing a high-tech laser rifle into the air while wildly screaming. He is leaping over a toppling fruit cart spilling watermelons all over the ground beneath him. He kicked us all out.
We went on venturing, lost batman, picked up a new friend in a luchador mask I made for him and plaid thong in tow. This individual obviously was going to a formal party.
Luchador: Looking Real Good Real Hot
Me: Damn I left my tux in the RV.
Prom Lady: Get Lost!
Luchador: That’s not very nice, I was gonna invite you to have some drinks with me
Me: Are there any rabbits in that top hat?
Prom Lady: Losers
Luchador: I was gonna give you some money too
Me: I was gonna give you the clap.
As we walked more around the place, we realized this was some sort of weird sex den. I dont understand why people would do anything like this in a video game, I also don’t understand what gets people off with pixel porn.
SO while they’re going at it I tp’d Girl in Taxi Outfit from earlier to this scene (not in picture- her).
We talk for a while about throwing them a birthday party, and it’s gonna be awesome with streamers and balloons and all that shit. Finally, the notice we’re there.
[22:25] Angelline Destiny: omg nosy peopple peeking through the ceiling downstairs
[22:26] Rachel Breaker: i hope your ready for your birthday adventure to outer spaccee!!!
[22:26] You: HAPPPY BIRTHDAYSSS@@
That’s all for today folks. We’ll continue this at a later date as my journies in the digital world continue.
Also, WATCH THIS VIDEO