So many of you may have or may not have seen the commercials on tv for Cash4gold.com
WOW GOLD!
My good buddy/guest poster Burris and I have sent each other stupid shit in the mail for years including magazine subscriptions to Teen Beat and Highlights for Kids. Well, I happened to get a delightful cash4gold package in the mail the other day addressed to Haggard. So I knew that since Haggard didnt live in my household this was a Burris.
Burris: did you get your gold kit?
11:23 PM me: yes
thank you
my wife was content with that
all the excess jewelry, do they buy trashbags filled with dirt?
11:26 PM Burris: i got a can of gold spray paint
me: HAHAHAHA
Burris: and painted a battery
11:27 PM me: start spraying shit
and send it
ha, I dont think you’re suppose to put batteries in the mail ding dong.
Burris: pocket lint
a dime
me: a rat
Burris: a clothes pin
me: a cat
watermelon
Burris: a mechanical pencil
a fortune cookie
and a birthday candle
me: a shoe
grass clippings
Burris: we got another one
11:28 PM we’re going to tape it to the outside of a tv in a box and make them pay for shipping and see how much they give me for a dead TV
11:30 PM Burris: i really wanna piss em off
or make their day
11:31 PM like, a giant box shows up
“fuck, this is either alot of gold or another tv”
me: like all sorts of broken shit
Burris: lol
me: and a picture of obama
11:33 PM Burris: take pictures of gold things and put them in there
and a note saying
if i stole this how much would you give me
me: or spraypaint a person
and have them tied up
in gold ropes
and be like
11:34 PM how much for the ropes
Burris: or a picture of a car
11:35 PM like
i know its not gold
but if any of you need a whip
i got one for sale
no one has shown any interest so im taking drastic measures
11:36 PM me: this is probably one of the most amazing things you’ve come up with
this guy knows what he's talkin about y0
what about this
you spray paint mighty putty gold
and like send it to them and say
look what BILLY MAYS MADE
LOOK
WHAT HE’S MADE!!!!
Burris: awesome auger
mighty putty
thats gold
me: spray paint an awesome auger and till their yard and charge them
Burris: fuck
11:37 PM me: we gotta do this
I’m sending my wives jewelry
11:39 PM Burris: her old jewish lady stockpile from world war 2
write little stories about eveything in there
11:40 PM me: I can get all sorts of things from her. “And on Ann Franks dying words she said, please pawn this golden cross to cash4gold.com in the year 2008″. given the fact that my family was german they probably still have the cross.
spraypaint tampons
and send a gold vibrator
11:42 PM Burris: “this watch was smuggled in your fathers ass for 5 years”
11:43 PM Me: yea the note has to say that line from pulp fiction.
and it has to be a fake rolex
11:45 PM man there are so many gold things
like
teeth
and buttons
and gold records
Burris: but so many more things that arent gold
11:46 PM like bologna and old printer cartridges
“oh i thought this was one of those print cartridge recyling things”
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5 minutes |
11:52 PM me: think of all
the money we could make and shit we can mail cause its PRE-PAID!
spray paint a larry bird rookie card
send them laundry from regents college.
Burris: im hoping i get a check for 20 cents
Here’s to all you dreamers out there!
This is freaking genius level stuff Danger. Nice work, hilarious. And we have to have a follow up. How much did you make?